Saturday, January 27, 2007

A Daughter? Or A Son?

When I spoke with Holt the other day we revisited the question of daughter or son. I have had a hard time getting that conversation out of my head.
For YEARS we discussed adopting again and in fact, right before Patrick came to be, we had actually talked to Holt about a couple of little girls who were waiting for a family. It just always seemed to be assumed that if we were going to adopt again, we would adopt a little girl. Part of that came from the fact that we assumed we would adopt from China where 98% of the children waiting for forever families are girls. The other part of it is the fact that we now have FIVE boys and only two girls.
A girl just seems to make sense. Our last two children were boys so it would be fun to have a little girl again. Our girls desperately want another sister. A girl will share a bedroom with Kim whereas a boy would put three boys in one bedroom, while each of the girls have their own bedroom. We even have an Americanized name picked out for a girl--Anna Rose. (Of course, we will keep her Vietnamese name for her middle name and use that name as long as she wants us to.)
When we began our adoption process we said we wanted a girl--of course. It only made sense. But, that was before we knew about the plight of boys. The reality of it is, the need to find families who want a boy is much greater than the need to find families for girls. In fact, the waiting time for a girl is often 2-3 times as long. Although an equal number of boys and girls come into care in Vietnam's orphanages, girls are much more likely to be adopted domestically within Vietnam. On top of that, at least 80% of families adopting internationally request a girl. Boys over the age of two with minor to moderate special needs often wait for months and even years to find a family. We want an older child and are open to special needs.
Which brings us to our delimma. In our minds, we have already incorporated a daughter into our family. When we imagine our child, we think of HER--Anna. I can't wait to buy dolls and frilly dresses again.
But, I wonder how God feels about us choosing a girl over a boy? I mean, we love our boys just as much as our girls. I think parenting boys is DIFFERENT than girls, but no more difficult and certainly just as much fun and rewarding. And, it's not as if we have never had a little girl. We've had TWO! I love the energy of boys and I still get a certain excitement learning about things I didn't learn growing up with all sisters. Things like bats, and bugs and the difference between an excavator and a front loader.
So, we did tell Robin we are open to a boy or a girl, but she also knows that we think a girl would fit better for our family. And we know that in the end, God knows the very best child for our family--which might be a boy! We better start to think of boys names, just in case! :-) It could take awhile since all our boys have two middle names.


tncornett said...

I didn't realize you had told her you were open to a girl or boy - that is news!

Don't put the burden of changing the world on your shoulders. So don't feel compelled either way just because "it's the right thing to do". If you look at it so much as doing the right thing for the balance of it all, then you may lose sight of what is best for your family, and your needs.

Just my 2 cents, but I know your prayers will be answered.

tncornett said...
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Christina said...

I just found your blog (via the Holt forums)... it's been fun reading your first 13 post and I look forward to reading lots more! And I can't wait to find out who God has planned for your family. :-)