Monday, January 22, 2007

Oceans Apart Until We Are Together Forever

We spent the weekend at my favorite place in the whole wide world. The coast. I love the beach and it doesn't matter to me if the weather is nice or not, there is just something that is so timeless about watching the waves come crashing in, over and over again. I love watching my kids play in the sand and find beach treasures and jump in the waves. This visit was even more special because my parents were there with us--or I should say, we were there with them as they had rented a condo and were sharing it with us :-)
This year, as I watched, mesmerized by the wild waves as the riptides came in, I looked to the horizon and thought of our child, clear across the ocean. It was such an indescribable feeling knowing that clear over that vast body of water OUR child waits. Our child.
And then, I felt sad that we do not yet know who our child is. How old is she? (Or, is it a he???) What is her name? Is she safe and warm and loved and well fed? Does she have someone special to tuck her in at night? I send prayers to her as instinctively as I breathe.
And then a strange thought hit me. I KNOW she exists. I KNOW she is my child, even if I don't yet know her. She is part of my soul and part of our family. But, she DOESN'T know that we exist. She doesn't know that she already has a forever mother and father and sisters and brothers and wonderful grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends waiting to swaddle her in love.
If she is living in an orphanage, she has seen so many children leave with their forever families. If she is living with a foster family they probably tell her often that someday she will have a permanent family. She must wonder if her forever family will ever come for her.
So I realized that I shouldn't really feel sad for myself that we don't yet know who our little girl is. Instead, I feel all that sadness for her. But the good thing about all that sadness is knowing that so much happiness lies ahead. The day we are matched I will not be thinking just about our child from my own point of view, I will be thinking about it from hers. She will finally know that she does indeed have a forever family.
I can't wait for that day.

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