Thursday, June 21, 2007

I'm So Mean

Last night we were getting ready to go to Paul's baseball game and I asked Patrick to go put a shirt on. He was looking like the epitome of summer--other than a pair of Levi shorts he was bare-bodied and barefoot. Here is our ensuing conversation:

Patrick: "Do I have to?"
Me: "Yes, hurry, it's almost time to go to the game."
Patrick: "Do I need to wear underwear too?"
Long pause
Me: "You don't have any underwear on?"
Patrick: "No." Like it was the most normal thing in the world.
Me: "So, you didn't have any underwear on all day??"
Patrick: "No."
Me: "Patrick! You need to wear underwear! So, yes! You need to go put some underwear on too!"
Patrick: "But why do I need to wear underwear? I like how relaxing it is without underwear."
Pause
Me: Trying to think quickly about why it is we wear underwear. Why exactly DO people wear underwear? I know that in Vietnam many children do not wear underwear but there must be a very good reason why people should wear underwear. I mean, I'm sure it helps keep one's clothes cleaner, but for the life of me, I can't come up with a reason we REALLY need to wear underwear and yet I KNOW there must be some VERY good reasons. Reasons a 5yo would agree with.
Me: "Well, you need to wear underwear because we are going to be sitting on the grass and an ant might climb up your leg and underwear keeps bugs from being able to climb up too high."
Patrick considers my answer for a moment.
Me again: "Oh! And you are going to be playing on the playground and someone might be underneath you when you are on the monkey bars and might be able to see up your shorts and see your You Know What!"
Patrick thinks about that for a moment.
Patrick: "Well, I don't care if they see my penis!"
Aye-yi-yi-yi-yiah!!! What to do! I was raised in a family of four girls! I'm not cut out for this!
Me: "Patrick. Just go get ready. Go put a shirt on and go put some UNDERWEAR on."
Patrick looks at me as if I'm the meanest mother on the planet earth.
Finally he turns around, arms crossed, and marches away to get his underwear with a final comment:

Patrick: "Thanks for ruining my life!"

1 comment:

Emanual said...

This is hilarious. And, um, we wear underwear because our mom's told us to . . . so . . . I think Patrick may be on to something . . .