Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Was The Funeral Sad?

I recently spoke with two people who lost a sibling when they were growing up. They both had similar stories and they both had a similar message. The words of one were this, "It was really hard to lose my sister . . . but it was even harder to lose my mom." He wasn't talking about losing his mom to death, but to the depression that followed the death of his sister.

That statement gave me a lot to think about; not that I am feeling depressed, just that I need to make sure my kids' lives stay as normal, happy and loving as possible. Sometimes it might mean I need to fake a smile for them--at the same time, I realize that it's okay to cry in front of them. I actually NEED to do this so THEY feel safe and secure in grieving themselves, especially my older children. At the same time, I can't cry so much it makes them feel even more sad, uneasy, scared, unloved.

The kids seem to be doing okay with everything. I think they are all still processing it in their own way. I spend time helping them talk through feelings, fears and emotions.

Here is a synopsis of how some children handle death:

9 yo Paul received a phone call from a friend yesterday. He put the phone on speaker as he was busy making a sandwich. This is the part of the conversation I overheard:

Friend: So, was the funeral really sad?
Paul: Ya.
Friend: Was everyone crying?
Paul: Ya.
Friend: Were you crying?
Paul: ya.
Friend: Can I spend the night tonight?
Paul: Sure!

That conversation gave me a belly laugh! It really does show the span of emotions.

Our kids go back to school soon so we will spend the next two weeks with lots of family time, cuddling and talking--and having friends spend the night.


Christina said...

It is so hard sometimes, being The Mom. I find myself going to quiet places to have a good cry because I just need to be able to cry without having to explain it to anyone. You are wise to seek a balance, for your kids sake. But don't be afraid to find a quiet place to cry every now and then either.

Anne said...

I love your blog Ann. I agree wholeheartedly with Christina. I think balance is such an important key to living a healthy life. And I was actually thinking a lot of what she said when I read your blog, that you definitely should take some time for you sometimes!

Go somewhere that you can pray or cry or do something special for yourself -- whatever you might need on that day! Take care of yourself, not only for your children, but for you too!

And Vu will be home soon bringing a new joy to your family!!!