Monday, October 1, 2007

Crying On The Inside

Yesterday was the first day since Joe died that I have not cried. The first time in 58 days. It doesn't mean anything. I wasn't less sad yesterday than I was the day before. I just wondered. I wondered how many days it would be before the tears stopped for at least 24 hours, and it surprises me that of all days it was the day of the Livestrong.

Sometimes my tears come late at night; often they come while driving kids here and there, giving the memories a chance to take over with images of our sweet son. Add to that a song that might pop onto the radio such as "Teardrops On My Guitar" by Taylor Swift, or "Held" by Natalie Grant--and you have "teardrops on my steering wheel."

Friends and relatives have the chance to ask me how we are doing. My blogger friends do not. So, how are we doing?

I am amazed that life continues on. I am amazed that I can still feel laughter and happiness in the midst of such sadness. God is amazing, isn't He?

The hardest part now is watching my children grieve. Not only am I sad about Joe, I'm sad seeing my other kids sad. And they grieve like Eric and I do--they laugh every day and they cry every day, only sometimes the crying is on the inside.

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