Saturday, March 29, 2008

Tears

I'm still here. It's been a rough couple of days.

I have a bad cold and Kim had ear surgery. It was a minor ear surgery related to her cleft but it was still traumatic for her, coming out of anesthesia and all the anxiety and memories of past surgeries.

For me the memories were also painful. Not so much the memories of Kim's hospitalizations, tho those are no fun. It's the memories of Joe's hospitalizations. All the sights and sounds brought back vision after vision of times spent visiting Joe. And times saying good bye. Watching him suffer silently and watching him waste away. Watching him die.

I saw a young man about Joe's age sitting in a wheelchair. He had a grim look and no hair. Chemo is hell and although Joe almost never complained he HATED being bald. He joked about it but he hated it.

After coming home from the hospital and heading to bed with my head cold and to snuggle with Kim, the tears came and stayed for a couple of days.

God keeps all our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). I hope he has some really big bottles. I miss my son.

3 comments:

The Coys said...

Not sure what to say Ann except that I'm thinking of you. I miss him too, although I don't even begin to pretend how much pain you must feel as his mother. We must always remember him in special ways.

maxhelcal said...

I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. A good cry now and then can work wonders though.
{{{BIG HUGS}}}

~Michelle

E&K &Kids said...

Ann,
I am sure that at times the greif is almost overwhelming. Thanks for being so real. Our dear friends just lost a baby right after we returned from Vietnam. In talking to her she was saying that the greif hits you at the most unassuming times. I pray that the Lord will hold you during these times of remembering.
Kim Crawford