Friday, March 13, 2009

Dear Girl Scouts

Dear Girl Scouts,

As a long-time supporter of your cause and a long-time eater of your cookies, I would like to make a suggestion to help you fulfill your Girl Scout Promise, "To help people at all times."

You know those new laws about privacy? The new Hippy law? (Or, is it the new HIPAA Privacy Rule Act?) It's that new law that has cost us more trees than all the adoption paperwork I have ever completed. As irritating as it is to constantly have to fill out this form, I can now see it to be beneficial at the Girl Scout level.

You see, according to the new rules, doctors can no longer leave messages on home answering machines about personal (PRIVATE) information.

I believe the Girl Scouts need to implement a similar PRIVACY law.

Why? Because when a Girl Scout leaves a message on my home answering machine telling me my TEN boxes of cookies are in and I owe FORTY DOLLARS, you never know who could be listening.

It could be my kids, who hear the TEN BOXES part and begin salivating like Pavlov's dogs and who will trample you like a herd of Tagalongs when you come ringing my doorbell.

Even more concerning, it could be my husband, who hears the FORTY DOLLARS part and begins frothing at the mouth like Pavlov's dogs with rabies and then has a HEART ATTACK bigger than the size of a Trefoil. (This would be good practice for your CPR badge but only if you are calling from a cell phone on my front porch!)

Dear Girl Scouts, there are some things husbands do not need to know. Let me give you a much needed lesson about your future relationships.

Now, of course, I am not telling you to LIE to your husband nor am I telling you to HIDE things from your husband. It is simply best to tell him these things late at night, when he is breathing deeply, when he is in an especially happy mood. Yes, when he is sound asleep. Then, when (if?) he finds out a check was written to Girl Scouts for forty dollars you can completely and truly profess that you did indeed inform him of this purchase and you can even feign concern that perhaps his age (or hearing) is causing deterioration of his memory--then do a little Do-si-do for him and kiss him with Thin Mint encrusted lips. It works every time!

Sincerely Full Of Cookies,
Mrs. Samoas

Word travels fast--even Will came home within the hour for his personal box of cookies. Can a mother have no secrets!


Thankfulmom said...

You made me laugh so hard! I am sending my sister a link to this post. She is the cookie mom or chairperson, or whatever the title is. Just sitting in her living room this time of year can be dangerous.

Thanks for the smile today - I needed it!


thecurryseven said...

I'm glad someone loves G.S. cookie season. I'm always sooo glad when it's over, since I'm the cookie mom. No only do I have to make sure we have all the money we're supposed to for all those boxes of cookies, but often end up having to hound parents to get me the money so I can turn in my paperwork. Girl Scout cookies don't activate my salivary glands, they just cause a headache. One more week!

Ann said...

I was the cookie mom one year. ONLY ONE! My entire livingroom had hundreds of cases of cookies in it! And you know what the worst part was? You know all those extra cases that are purchased for open sales? The extras? They were so tempting!!! I bought 37 boxes of cookies that year--I kid you not!

And yes, I did tell my husband how many I bought. And no, I don't know if he was awake when I told him.

Patty said...

Its cookie season again! Haha. I'm a lifetime girl scout but its actually my husband that can't say no to the cute neighbor kids, kids at church, random kids on the street, etc and causes us to have more cookies than we could possibly need. When the cost discussion comes up just remind its for a good cause! :-)