Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Public Apology To Husband

There are times a wife owes a husband an apology.  Sometimes it's a small apology.  Sometimes it's a big apology.  Sometimes it's a very, very big apology that simply must come in the form of a public apology.   This is one of those.

First, the event.

My hubby and I had to go to a meeting together but we realized our 16 yo didn't have a ride home from soccer.  We decided to drive to the soccer field in separate cars, leave her the van, then head off together in Hubby's pick-up.

Good plan, huh?  Seems easy enough?

Well, our dear daughter doesn't always practice at the same place, so as we were rushing to our respective cars I shouted over to Hubby that she was playing at the same place her last game had been.  I even went so far as to tell him the exact street the field was on.  I wanted to make sure we didn't end up at different fields since we were nearly late for our meeting.

Hubby pulled out and, after one last kiss to the kiddos, I was fast on his heels.  There are a couple different ways to get to the field but I could see Hubby's red pick-up ahead and I decided to just follow him.

We drove a couple of miles and finally came to the main road the soccer field is on.  The field was to the right but HUBBY WAS TURNING LEFT!!! 

WHAT WAS HE DOING???  Hadn't I just told him she was playing at the same field her last game was?  Hadn't I even given the exact street?  Helloooooo!!!  The man never listens!

So, I reach for my cell phone . . . only to remember I had left it on the kitchen counter.  Oops!  Again!  I leave my cell phone at home so often (or it goes dead in my purse) that I honestly don't even know why I have one.  Hubby can tell you that he has, on more than one occasion, been known to rant comment on why we pay for a cell phone I never have. 

"Can you hear me now?"  No, sorry, the phone is at home and I am out.

Anyhoo, no cell phone and a husband that is heading the wrong direction.  I get in the turn lane behind him and honk.  He looks in his rearview mirror.  I honk again and point to the right.  The light turns green and I'm thinking he is just going to realize his mistake and turn around.

But he doesn't.  He turns and JUST KEEPS DRIVING THE WRONG WAY!!! 

I decide I better follow him.  I honk again and when he looks in his mirror I begin waving madly, pointing to the side of the road and yelling, "Pull over!  Pull over!"

I see Hubby lift a cell phone to his ear.  Uh-oh.  I am sure he is now trying to call me to see why I am honking at him and pointing every which way.  He will now know I do not have my cell phone.  I am found out!  At least he will pull over. 

BUT NO!  HE JUST KEEPS DRIVING!  And he is also now engaged in a cell phone conversation.  What gives?  He is probably talking to some golfing buddy and has not even noticed that I am behind him waving and honking and creating a scene.  I decide to kick it up a notch!  I honk multiple times, wave my arms wildly, point to my head yelling, "Think!  Think!" and shouting, "Pull over, pull over!!!"  I even roll my window down and start gesturing out the window.

I look up.  He starts driving faster.  He is still on his phone.  He looks agitated but he is still NOT pulling over.

I am thinking my husband must be crazy!  WHY won't he pull over???

Then, a most terrible thing happens. 

I realize that the red pick-up I am following does not have a canopy on the back.  For an instant, I wonder when my husband took it off.  Then, I notice . . . MY HUSBAND HAS GROWN HAIR! 

Oh me, oh my!!! 

I sheepishly pull into the 7-11 parking lot and turn around to head the opposite direction.  I eventually make it back to the soccer field where my REAL husband is not-so-patiently waiting.  I roll down my window to explain but all I can do is laugh so hysterically I am ready to pee my pants.

I laugh, even now, remembering. 

But seriously, I know that somewhere in our town, there is a husband (with hair) driving around in a red pick-up (with no canopy) who has been quite traumatized by the whole thing.  He is probably having nightmares of being chased by a HUGE blue beast with some crazy lady at the wheel screaming and yelling and laying on the horn. 

He tried calling 911 but the police just laughed and wouldn't believe that a woman in a 15-passenger van with a "Jesus" sticker on the back would be stalking him. 

Whoever you are, I sincerely apologize.   In the future, I will ernestly try to remember: (1) my cell phone, (2) that my real husband's truck DOES have a canopy, and (3) that my real husband DOES NOT have hair. 

Please call me on my cell phone if you would like to discuss this matter further.


Jess and Joe said...

Hysterical! My husband now thinks I'm crazy for snarfing my coffee.

asian~treasures said...

Oh my word...that's TOO funny! I certainly needed to laugh today & this was perfect! : )


Carol said...

LOL, too funny! My six year old wants to know what's so funny. Thanks for the laugh.

The Coys said...

Oh so funny! Trying not to laugh too loud in fear of waking the kids. Love your stories! You always have funny things happening in your world!

thecurryseven said...

Thank you for the best laugh I've had all day! Sometimes it's not good to be drinking a cup of tea and reading blogs at the same time.

Sally- That Girl! said...

You make me laugh like no other!!! Thanks for the giggle!

Party of Seven said...

Shila it is never a dull moment in your family!!! Love Love your stories, thanks for the smile today!

Stevens Family said...

LOL!! OMGness, how hilarious!! I haven't done that but I have gone so far as to put my key in another person's car. Oops!

gloria said...

I am laughing sooo hard that I'm crying... and given the week I've had, I needed a good laugh (and a good cry, truth be told). You are hilarious!