Saturday, February 5, 2011

Returning To Vietnam

In all the excitement of TA I didn't mention that before we go to China we will stop in Vietnam so Vu can visit his orphanage.  He will see his nannies, his best friend (the orphanage director's daughter) and one of his "babies," along with several other children who remain. 

Vu is thrilled. 

I am thrilled for him.  But I am also nearly certain that Vu is going to be tense and anxious the entire time we are in Vietnam.  I expect raw emotion, the tumbling return of memories, and later, intense grief.

And fear.

Why fear?  I think he will fear that he is going to be left behind.  No matter how many times I've told him he will never go back to live at the orphanage, no matter how often I've assured him he will always be in our family, he cannot quite believe it.  It's a fear that lessens as the years pass, but it's a fear so raw, I worry it can never be extinguished.

My guess is that once we are in Vietnam and he is surrounded by the memories, sights, smells, and tastes, he will also be surrounded by his deepest fears.

And yet, we will go because I know he needs to see those he loves in Vietnam.  And his nannies need to see him.  His nannies raised him for six YEARS.  When we walked out the orphanage gates with Vu, over three years ago, we promised we would bring him back to visit. I could tell by the look on the nannies faces they didn't believe us.

I cannot wait to see their faces now!  It will be joyous to return with Vu, so they can truly know he is happy and healthy.  They will see that the six years they poured into him has resulted in a boy that continues to fill the world with love and laughter.  They will know that when we say we will return again, we really will.

And in the end, Vu will discover that he won't be left behind.  When our plane takes off from Vietnam this time, Vu will know, as much as he ever can, that he really is in our family--forever. 

Celebrating Chinese New Year and Tet in full style with lots of Chinese and Viet food.  YUM!

Ni Hao Yall


"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

Praying for you.....and for him too. It will be good, but there will be emotions, fear, trembling as TRUTH holds out...healing!

Jen said...

Sometimes walking through the pain makes the good so much better. Goodluck to ALL of you!

Jodi said...

What an exciting emotional trip. Praying for y'all. As my brother told me when we were preparing for my father's funeral - "no emotion is wrong" maybe not what is expected but never "wrong" every one grieves in their own way.
Have a wonderful trip and can't wait to follow your journey to China too!

Mrs. Deem said...

Wow. You guys have so much going on in your lives right now! Only God could bring this together perfectly for you all. We will be pray for Vu. And for your new daughter. What an exciting, crazy, amazing time. Blessings~

Kristi said...

What an amazing trip you will be taking!

5ennie said...

Praying for your journey!
Here from Sunday Snapshot.

thecurryseven said...

Vu could surprise you. When we took TM back after having been home two years we had no idea what to expect... and to prepare myself, I expected the worst. (Which could be pretty darn awful.) But, TM surprised us. He was actually less anxious than I was used to seeing him, it was as though a part of him was whole again.

Now we didn't try to visit places he knew (we were there for another adoption in another city) and I wasn't sure we could handle that just yet. I think it would have been good, looking back in hindsight. We'll do that on our next trip.

All that to say, it could go much better than you anticipate.