Thursday, August 29, 2013

End-Of-Summer-Pity-Party

Hello.  I've missed you.  I realize I haven't written much lately--other than throwing up a few pictures now and then.  I think I'm in an end-of-summer funk. 

In fact, I am sorry to inform you all that you missed my all-out-sobbing-end-of-summer-pity-party.  It was a couple days ago.  I'm over it now.  Or Not. 

And really?  I don't know why.  According to my family therapist, who witnessed said all-out-sobbing-end-of-summer-pity-party (aka Kim)


I have allowed my other children to become a little too relaxed this summer to the point of slacking on chores, bedtimes, clean-up, and respect.  She's got a point.  (Her advice is cheap, and good!)  And I honestly LOVE having my kids home in the summer, but I was reminded Jen Hatmaker's post on end of summer--funny! 

But it's been more than that.  There are so many things I would like to do around the house (paint! clean the attic!  redecorate bedrooms! catch-up on never-ending-paperwork!).  

And there are so many activities I wanted to do with the kids that just didn't get done this summer!  (Mount St. Helen's, will you ever forgive me for blowing you off AGAIN this year?)

Did you get that?  Blowing off Mount St. Helen's? 

(Hey, it's 4 am.  I can be silly with puns at 4 am.  And why am I writing at 4 am you ask?  Because all my children are asleep at 4 am.  After going to bed at 3 am.  And I can actually form a coherent thought at 4 am.  Tho rising at 4 am might be contributing to my doldrums.  Hmmmm.)   

But I digress. 

Back to my pity party.  It's all about me--remember?  Too many things to do and people to serve!  Too many plans to finish and too little time to complete! 

But honestly, my breakdown wasn't just about the little things in life.  It was about the big things too.  My dad isn't well.  Deteriorating slowly.  Too sad to discuss, but please keep praying for my dad and my mom.  Sigh.

And there are possibilities that Vietn*m might reopen again.  You can read a good snapshot here.  It's a good thing.  I would love to see it reopen with safety nets in place. But it brings back memories of false hopes too and all our broken-heartedness over Vu's baby, his roommate "Jonah", who was left behind.  Oh how I have prayed for this little boy!  We have sponsored him for six years.  And oh how I pray that Vietn*m will reopen and "Jonah" will find a forever family!

Happy Reunion 2011
And I've been stressing about the job search--no word.  And yet, with everything going on, why am I even looking?  But I feel God is leading me to do something more.  Ever more.

After blubbering my heart out to Hubby, to my "therapist," to my awesome prayer partner, and even to Lan Lan's reading tutor, I have come away with a sense of peace.  I can only live day by day.  I can only control what I can control--and then leave the rest to God.  And I will never regret putting people before things.  And instead of focusing on all the negatives and what-ifs and buts, I need to focus on the positives, on what I have, on what is good, on what is right--and always on GOD.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6 

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