Thursday, January 8, 2015

Trauma And Staying In The Moment

There are several bloggers I enjoy.  One is Nancy at Ordinary Miracles.  Nancy writes about how from the outside we can all look so perfect, but in reality we are all imperfect parents with challenges we often don't want to talk about or can't, because we want to protect our child's privacy.  Her post is a great read.
I find so often I really can't share the challenges that are happening in our lives.  And we all have stuff.  But I hope I never come across as a person who has it all together and is living the perfect life.  I do try to write about the challenging parts that can be generalized and shared--but it's tricky.  Protecting privacy is such an important part of our personal life and values. 
What I can say as far as some of our recent challenges is that sometimes past trauma comes out in the most unexpected ways at the most unexpected times.  There can be years between trauma and the outpouring of distress and emotion that is intertwined with it.  Memories can come flooding back--and once the cork is out, it can be hard to get back in!  Finding an excellent trauma counselor was imperative; I feel incredibly grateful for ours. 
Personally, I found one of my greatest obstacles was fear--especially when I started looking into the future and imagining all the terrible things that could happen!  As I wrote in a previous post, I had to learn to let go of my fear and, instead, trust--again and again.  And again.
One of my best tools was forcing myself to stay in the moment.  See the positives.  See the joy.  See God.  Get through that day, that hour.  Truly trust that God is ultimately in control and all I can do is keep smiling, keep loving, keep finding resources, keep supporting those around me--keep on keeping on.
It gave me great joy to have so many family members together at Thanksgiving

I'll have more posts coming up around trauma, including sharing some of the resources I found most helpful.  I also think I'm ready to delve into some of the trauma that surrounded the loss of our son in 2007.  It's always bits and pieces for me--because of the importance of also staying in the moment in order to celebrate life!  

1 comment:

amber said...

It is so true that a mother is usually only as happy as her least happy child. With many kids, that can make for lots of worry! Hang in there - I really really, really miss the light-hearted you and hope that that will authentically return someday. But our children sometimes take all our energy and I get that - and I can imagine it is even harder when you feel you can't share your struggle. As I said, I keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope the joyful you returns. Let me know what I can do to be there for you.