Friday, July 10, 2015

Abusive, Destructive, Controlling Relationships Part 3

This is Part 3 of my series on destructive relationships.  Please see Part 1 and Part 2 to learn the warning signs of an abusive relationship. 
 
 
There are many myths about domestic violence, including the belief that it's easy for the victim to leave.  It's not.  There are a variety of reasons, including the fact that leaving evokes incredible fear.  According to the US Department of Justice, women who leave abusers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by the abuser than those who stay. 
 
And to be a broken-record, not all victims are women, men can be victims too, but the majority of research is done around men as the perpetrator since that is usually the case. 
 
A reminder--it's a myth that abusers are out of control.  They control to gain power over the other person.  They often use a series of tactics besides violence including threats, intimidation, psychological abuse, and isolation, to control their partners.  If the abuser was truly out of control they wouldn't be able to stop their behavior--such as when police came to the door.  Abusers ARE in control--they often "target hit" directing physical violence to parts of the body where bruises are less likely to show.  Perpetrators ARE in control--they don't abuse everyone who makes them angry, instead they tend to act charming and wait until there aren't witnesses to see their abuse of the victim. 
 
Here are some sobering facts you might not know about domestic violence.  The research comes from a variety of sources, but these are primarily from Federal Bureau of Investigation Reports. 
 
Domestic violence is the number one cause of injury to women between the ages of 15-44, this is more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. 
 
50% of men who abuse their wives also frequently abuse their children.  Domestic violence is the #1 predictor of child abuse. 
 
People of ALL races are equally likely to be abused by a partner.
 
80% of girls who have been physically abused by their partner, continue to date their abuser after the onset of violence. 
 
Pregnant women are especially at risk for abuse.  It is common for physical abuse to begin or escalate during pregnancy. 
 
Most people who are abused blame themselves for causing the violence.

If you, or someone you know needs help, there is a 24-Hour hotline:
National DV Hotline  1-800-799-7233
 
 

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