Friday, December 11, 2015

Christmas Fails

Christmas is a time of love, peace, and faith.  Yes?  It's a time for laughter and family togetherness.  Yes?  Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, and visions of sugarplums dancing in heads?
Weeeeell . . . let me just say it seems the polar express has headed the other way on more than one occasion. 
To begin with, I had the wonderful idea that for advent this year we would have our dinners in the dining room and read a picture book each night--books about Christmas and love.  Doesn't that sound warm and cozy?  Full of love and Christmas peace?  I thought so.
But somehow, on the first night of advent, there were certain family members who did not think this was such a beautiful idea.  I won't mention any names, but I will share that they were male, and the older they were the more they had hoped to watch the football game during dinner (how dare advent come during a big game!).  Let's just say that there was one person in particular who ended up on Santa's naughty list.  Our first night of advent was NOT warm and cozy.  It was the antithesis of all that advent should be.
I am happy to report there has been some recovery for the idea, and some children even keep the tradition when mom and dad are gone for the evening.  Lan Lan sent me this text.  I know two girls who are on Santa's "nice" list. 
Christmas lights?  Don't even go there. I bought several new strings last year.  We did get some real Christmas cheer going!  I was hopeful again for this year.  BUT lights seem to hate me.  We've had more than a few Christmas Vacation-esque experiences.  Put all the lights up and they don't work (even though they were all tested beforehand).  Put all the lights up and a huge windstorm blows them down.  Put up the lights ad nauseum.  None of our neighbors seem to have these issues.  Their lights always look amazing (not that I'm jealous or anything!) 
This year I sent Paul and my nephew out with the lights.  I thought two teenage boys would really enjoy this job.  I came back two hours later and found some rather lame looking lights around the garage door, followed by an even lamer extension of lights laying on the front porch.  Yes laying.  This was not my vision.
The next weekend I sent Paul and Patrick out for a redo.  After an hour they had several more lights up and looking beautiful.  Until they did not.  NONE of the lights would work (and yes I made sure to buy those that can connect multiple strings).  They tried various outlets and disconnecting strings.  No luck. 
I had a Christmas Vacation rant in my head including ALL the swear words.  Then I calmly told them to just take them all down and try to cover the tree and porch.
Folks, here is what our Christmas lights look like this year.  Don't be a hater. 
Majestic, yes?  Notice the lights are not even wrapped around the branches, but seem to be simply thrown up into the tree for a special display! 
And then there is the Christmas tree that fell over! 
Here is my beautiful tree!
Ha!  I bet that didn't fool you!  Wow!  Can you imagine if that tree fell over.  It makes me feel better about our much smaller tree.  I will just say that I thought we should tie the tree to the wall because it was already tilting a bit.  But other family members insisted it was perfectly straight!   And then we heard a terrible clatter and we wondered what was the matter!
This time there were Christmas Vacation words uttered loudly!  The tree is now placed into the corner, tilting backwards, with no water.  Because the water spilled and made a stain on our white carpet. Ugh.
I said I would never have a fake tree.  I see a fake tree in my future. 
But it's all good.  We are now in full Christmas spirit.  In fact, my children are getting very, very excited! 

It can only be up in the category of holiday-cheer-from-here.  Yes?

1 comment:

Shecki Grtlyblesd said...

Omigosh, I'm laughing out loud here! The clump o'lights is an *interesting* look, lol. I'll be grateful for my coughboringcough strand around the roof that DH did.