Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Carpool Tutorial


It's our last year of having a child in elementary school.  Wow!  Twenty-nine (yes 29!) years of pick-up, drop-off, school conferences, back-to-school nights, PTA meetings, and Oregon Trail projects!


And it's our 20th year of having a child in high school (the very same high school, I might add--I try to convince the teachers it's job security, not some sick version of the movie Ground Hogs Day, but I'm not sure they're convinced.)

This year the kids are in grades 6, 8, 9, 10, and 12.




You can see the kids had various feelings about ending summer and starting school.

And yes, it makes me sad to see our numbers going down year after year.  And I hate to see summer end.  Sob.  BUT that is not what this post is about.

You are about to be enlightened on a topic near and dear to my heart--or should I say near and dear to my sanity?  A carefully constructed tutorial on  how to drive the carpool lane.

Trust me.  I've got experience (see above).

And trust me.  This will save you (and all the people behind you) a lifetime of carpool rage.

It's not difficult.

But what seems to happen every year, ALL YEAR, is that there are MANY parents who want to drop little Johnny off right at the front door.  They want to park right at the front door so sweet little Johnny doesn't have to walk too far.


The problem with this scenario is that IT HOLDS UP AN ENTIRE LINE OF CARS!!!  See that driver clear in the back.  That is me (apparently my kids are in the trunk)!  And if you stop right in front of the school then only one or two other cars can drop off their kids--assuming they are okay with their little Susie walking five feet.

BTW--Don't people know we have an obesity epidemic going on???  Little Johnny and Susie NEED to walk the extra five feet to the front door!

And now for the most amazing tip of your lifetime!  Pull forward in the carpool lane!  HIT THE GAS!  Then multiple cars can unload all at once.  IT'S A GENIUS IDEA!!!!



See how just pulling forward a bit can help EVERYONE dump-and-run faster!!!  Eureka!!!

Now I know that some of you cringed when I said "dump and run."  You are probably the parent who not only parks right in front of the door, but you also get out of your car, help your sweetheart put on her backpack, kiss her goodbye, and tuck a little note in her pocket ALL THE WHILE HOLDING UP THE CARPOOL LANE!

Let me tell you something mister.  You are not fooling ANYONE behind you.  We all know you yelled your guts out this morning when your kid couldn't find her reading log.  You are not fooling us at all!  It's all an "I'm a perfect parent" show!  So get back in your helicopter and

PULL FORWARD!



At the very least, twice as many cars can unload--maybe more!  Here is your math fact of the day:
x divided by 2  >  x divided by 6
x = number of cars
BUT Less is MORE.  More cars at once means more time with kids in school.  Less = More = Better. Got it? I think I just did the new math.
To simplify the answer: A faster carpool lane = happier parents = happier mornings = happier kids.

HIT THE GAS AND PULL FORWARD!

Got it?

Are you paying attention???


Good!  I'm glad someone is.