Sunday, October 16, 2016

Phillip Still Waits -- The Hug

"Phillip" the little boy we spent time with in China, still waits. This absolutely breaks my heart!  He is such a love!  If prospective adoptive families could meet Phillip they would all be racing to bring him home!

Holt recently received an update which says he is "doing great at school--he likes to answer questions and his classmates like him.  He gets along with adults and other kids and he is a happy, good-tempered kid.  No challenging behaviors have been found.  He is mild, good-tempered kid with a warm heart.  He loves to help other children, loves to be part of something and to participate in group activities."  You can see his Waiting Child listing with Holt HERE.  "Phillip" is listed in the section China "Urgent 10+."  

Phillip has vision challenges due to what appear as crossed-eyes.  Our pediatric eye surgeon believes surgery and glasses will very likely correct his vision.   

Lan Lan recently found some photos of Phillip on her phone.  There was one incredibly precious photo that I didn't even know existed and I will always treasure. It's been almost a year, but his smile, hug, and words, never leave my heart.  

This is the hug that I blogged about.  I will repost below.  Please, someone bring this little boy HOME!!!  

Original Post -- December, 3, 2015 --  I Didn't Say I Love You

After breakfast we went to the "goodbye party."  I knew this day would be hard.  The kids delighted in the goodies and party atmosphere and then there were many long speeches from officials. 

Near the end, most of the nannies slipped out with the kids.  My guess was that it is too hard to say goodbye.  But when we went to lunch, the kids were there and we were able to officially tell some of them goodbye.  Some of the children (and adults) cried.  There are no words for the depth of my sorrow. 

I didn't cry.  I was holding it in and going into what I call my "newscaster mode," where I distance myself from my feelings.  I'm remarkably good at this.  It's a gift and a curse.  I can still be loving and empathetic, without becoming emotional.
We couldn't find "Phillip."  At the end of lunch Lan Lan discovered that Phillip was eating in the next room over, which was odd because that room hadn't been used before.  Lan Lan and Mei Mei went and talked to him, and then they convinced me to go and say goodbye too.  I wasn't at all sure about the appropriateness of this--after all, they were in a private room.  I was even more unsure when I was coaxed into the room and realized it was mostly adults, with only a couple kids including Phillip.  Surely they had a reason to be alone?

Lan Lan pushed me along and as I walked toward the table Phillip and the adults all gave me a big smile.  I bent down to Phillip and told him he was a good boy and I would never forget him.  He didn't understand my words, but I know he understood my feelings.  He then reached over, gave me a big hug, and then he said, "Wo ai ni Mama."  I love you, Mama.  Sob.  And then he placed the most precious kiss on my check. 

I still remember the feel of that sweet hug and kiss.  He had on a puffy jacket and his hug was gentle, soft and warm. He giggled and smiled at me.  When I heard him say he loved me I hesitated.  For some reason, the thought came to me that I shouldn't repeat those words back to him.  He had called me "mama," and I didn't want him to be confused.  I wanted him to hear "I love you" from the woman that would eventually be his real mama.  Someday.  I hoped.   

Instead, I squeezed him again, put my hand to his cheek, told him he is amazing and that I would never forget him, and then I did a hasty exit.  Newscaster Mode was dissipating fast. 

I walked out the door and I cried.  I cried for Phillip and all the orphans who just want love.  They want families and they want to belong. 

The girls and I headed back to our hotel room and I fought tears the whole way.  We were headed out soon for a free afternoon which was to include shopping, which suddenly didn't seem the least bit fun.  My mind whirled with emotions. 
After a bit we headed back down to the hotel lobby and the last of the kids were boarding the bus to go back to the orphanage.  I looked forlornly at that bus.  The snow was turning to slush and the grey skies fit the mood.  I couldn't see faces because of the tinted glass, but what I wanted to do was run out to that bus.  I wanted to run down the sidewalk, race up the stairs, and find Phillip.  I wanted to hug him tight, and kiss his cheek, and tell him, "Wo ai ni, Phillip.  Wo ai ni." 
Because I do.  And I hope he knows that. 
I won't give up finding him his forever mama.  I won't give up trying to find mamas for all the kids.

If you feel adoption tugging at your heart, call Holt International at 541-687-2202.  To specifically ask about Phillip speak to Jessica. 


Shecki Grtlyblesd said...

My "Aury" from last year still waits, too. There's another group in Beijing now, and I keep seeing kids in their pictures that we saw last year. It breaks my heart.

Anonymous said...

Have you tried posting on facebook too?